What Mother’s Day Means in the Adoption Community

Mother's Day is an occasion to honor and celebrate mothers.  Not just our own mothers, but all mothers. That includes the women whose paths to motherhood have come through the journey of adoption.

In the traditional view, motherhood begins with giving birth and continues through to raising the child. But that’s not the only path that mothers walk. In the adoption community, we celebrate all the special journeys of motherhood. That includes the incredibly brave journey of a Birth Mother, who makes the choice to give her child a better life, as well as the very emotional journey of an Adoptive Mother, who raises and cares for the child. 

For Adoptive Mothers and Birth Mothers, Mother’s Day is an especially profound and meaningful celebration of the gift that is motherhood.

The Evan B. Donaldson Adoption Institute has conducted a survey that found that six in 10 Americans have had a personal experience with adoption, meaning that they themselves, a family member or a close friend was adopted, had adopted a child or had placed a child for adoption.

Seeing as so many of us have been personally affected by adoption, we should take this opportunity to celebrate all mothers and their special journeys to motherhood. 

Adoption is not the first choice for many women who face unplanned pregnancies at a time when they’re not ready for motherhood.  For many in this situation, it’s an intimidating and unfamiliar process.   

But for those mothers who want more for their child than what they can offer, adoption is one of the bravest decisions of their lives.  These women realize that Mother’s Day for them may now be bittersweet, but we believe they are the true heroes of Mother’s Day.

Today, many private adoptions in the US are open, with some level of communication between Birth Mothers and Adoptive Parents.  Because of this, many Adoptive Parents reach out to their children’s Birth Mothers on Mother’s Day to thank them for the gift that only they could give them, and many children are able to recognize both their mothers, birth and adoptive. 

A Birth Mother once told me that “my child’s Adoptive Parents will never let me forget what I really am and my child will never forget that he was worth saving.”  Many Birth Mothers are united by this message, and seeing their child happy and loved helps to reaffirm their courageous choice.

Then, there is the other side of adoption: the families that adopt. Usually, adoption is not the first path to motherhood that a woman considers.  Rather, adoption often comes after years of miscarriages or infertility and unspeakable heartache.  And even then, once the decision to adopt has been made, prospective Adoptive Mothers realize that there are still unknowns and uncertainty because every adoption is completely unique to those involved. 

For those women who take the leap of faith to move forward with their adoption journeys, the hope of one day seeing their child come home from Kindergarten with a paper, crayon and glitter masterpiece of a Mother’s Day card is the ultimate dream.   

One family told me of their heartbreaking road to adoption after the mom-to-be lost triplets as a result of a work place injury. It was through their healing process that they considered adoption and found their son, who they describe as a boy that is full of energy and always smiling, exhibiting great physical strength and showing off his delightful personality.

Another Adoptive Mother once shared with me the pain she felt during infertility seeing other moms at the grocery store with kids bouncing in the cart. Through tears, she explained how proud and how happy she was the first time she was able to bring her daughter to the grocery store and put her in the grocery cart and walk down the aisles with her. 

So on Mother’s Day this year, I celebrate all mothers, especially those Adoptive Mothers who have persevered through personal difficulties and braved their adoption journeys and those Birth Mothers who have had the courage to make the heroic choice of giving their child a life better than they could provide.

Happy Mother’s Day to all.