Warren: 'The Most Painful Week of Our Lives'

Pastor Rick Warren wrote a letter to his congregation, read over the weekend during Saddleback Community Church services, and called the past week "the most painful" in the lives of he and his family.

But Warren also said "our hope is greater than our grief" as his family continues its recovery in the wake of the suicide of his youngest son, Matthew.

The weekend teaching belonged to author, psychologist and leadership expert John Townsend, and was another in a surprising combination of studies established before young Warren's death that seemed tailor-made for a church and its leader.

• Patch: FREE local news for your community
• Find your local Patch by clicking here

Townsend had been scheduled to speak this week on "Everyone Needs Recovery" even before Matthew Warren killed himself on April 5. When his death became known, Townsend asked Rick Warren if he wanted to change the subject of the teaching.

"Rick said, 'No, I want you to stay with what we determined you were going to talk about,' " Townsend told the congregation. "Because for him, it was so important to forge ahead on the topic we're going to be dealing with."

Townsend talked about a program begun at Saddleback called "Celebrate Recovery," which is an integral part of a movie opening this week called Home Run; clips of the movie were played to illustrate the points Townsend was making.

Prior to Townsend speaking, the church's pastor of Celebrate Recovery, Johnny Baker, read a letter from Warren and his wife, Kay.

Dear Saddleback family

Words cannot adequately express the depth of our gratitude for your love, prayers and support during this past week, which has been the most painful week of our lives. With Matthew’s death being national news, our grieving has been public, and grieving when haters celebrate your pain has been even more difficult. The assurance of your prayers has lifted us and surrounded us and we have never felt more loved.

We wish we could have held a public memorial service, but with the likelihood of both the media and demonstrators showing up, our family opted for a very small private service. Of course, at a later date I will speak to all of our church family about our son, our grief, and our hope we have in Christ in the resurrection.

The most comforting fact is that Matthew is now safe in Heaven far removed from the anguish of mental illness that has tortured him from birth throughout his 27 years. He was a strong leader in his faith for many years until his illness overtook his mind.

We love you all and I will write you this week. If you are not getting my notes, please write your email on a response card so I can stay in contact with you during our days of grieving. Our hope is greater than our grief.

 Bless you all, Rick and Kay

Townsend said the grief process "is uncontrollable, it is beyond our strength, we cannot tell grief what to do," and went on to tell the congregation the grief experienced by the Warrens, and others in their situation, was unlike almost every other.

"Literally, this is the pain that has no words," Townsend said. "There are no words for this sort of experience."

Townsend then took a few minutes to offer his advice on what to do when meeting Warren family members as they integrate back into church activities in the coming weeks.

"The question always comes, when there's catastrophic loss, 'What do I say,'" Townsend said. "What is the right thing to say to somebody that I love who has the loss that there aren't any words for? It's very simple. Give them room for what they need.

"Proverbs 20:5 tells us 'The purposes of a person's heart is deep waters, but one who has insight draws them out.'

"In other words, when someone is in the deep waters, they need someone to help draw out what needs to be drawn out from inside their hearts."

Although some people with similar experiences can offer words that sometimes help, or those offering encouraging Bible passages sometimes help, Townsend suggested—when coming into contact with those who are grieving—to say a short and simple hello or something along the lines of "Sorry about your loss—how are you?"

That will allow the grief-stricken the opportunity to respond in the way they need to respond.

Additionally, Warren wrote a letter to other church leaders and pastors thanking them for their prayers and invited them to join the Saddleback effort to raise awareness about mental illness.

Dear Brothers and Sisters in Christ,

Kay and I want you to know how much we depended on your faithful prayers for us this past week in the aftershock of the suicide of our precious 27-year old son Matthew, who struggled with mental illness since birth.

We felt your love and we received strength from your prayers during the most painful week of our 40 years of public ministry for Christ.

Because you prayed for us, we were overwhelmed with the Holy Spirit’s comfort, were able to share the Gospel of Hope in Jesus with many unbelievers around the world, and God was glorified through our personal tragedy. So we cannot thank you enough!

Also, the members of Saddleback Church, your sister church in Southern California, asked that we send thanks to you, your pastor, and all your church family on their behalf. Together we have shared what St. Paul called  “the fellowship of suffering.”  When one part of the body hurts, all the other parts hurt too, and you can count on the Saddleback family to pray for you too. We are God’s family and we are in this together!

Finally, if you’d like to help us raise the awareness and lower the stigma of mental illness, we’d love to add your voice to our petition. Just visit Saddleback.com or Facebook.com/PastorRickWarren to add your name to your voice.

We end the note of thanks with the promise of Hebrews 6:10 "God will not forget the work you did, and the love you've showed for him by helping other Christians."   May God bless your church family greatly!